What am I doing here? I don't know.
Why am I here? I don't know.
Who am I with? No one.
When am I going to bed? I don't know.
Where am I? Lying on the bed.
How am I able to keep myself awake? I don't know.
2am is the golden time for me. Normal people would be in their utopia, hopefully with their spouse catching the sunset. But for me? It's the exact opposite. My idea of utopia is probably the same as the rest of the population. But I've never experienced anything close.
People say life is hard, for that I've to agree. But while some have it better than others, do they really deserve that? Or vice versa? Sure, to err is human. But what about forgiveness? If we can do wrong, why is it so hard to forgive others, because it is only human that we commit sins?
Because of one mistake, I ended up in my place. Looking back, if there hadn't been desire, there wouldn't have been action, and I'd probably be off reading Java tutorials instead.
The past is over; it's too late to regret. But is it really that hard to forgive? On D-day, I walked into the seminar room with 15 other people. They were in the same situation as I. It'd be inappropriate to call them horrible, because they're not. They made a small mistake in their judgement and they've paid for it. The surface is not everything, of course there's much goings-on beneath the naked eye. Those 15 people live with the memory; the pain; of almost having their life shortened by a year. Leading up to D-day, their mind would've been full of what-ifs. The thought of losing their close friends, the thought of being made fun of, of being insulted, of having wasted a year.. Et cetera.
Fourteen of those people walked out half an hour later thankful to have escaped Armageddon. So what about the remaining one?
One. There's the special emphasis on this word: one. It symbolises many things. Independence, success, you name it.
Sure, one may be positive. But let's take the other stand: how about alone?
Him, ALONE, has to face the music.
Him, ALONE, watches, heartbroken, as 399 people move on, full of anticipation, to the next phase of their life.
Him, ALONE, set in an unfamiliar environment where everyone is younger.
Him, ALONE. What has he done to deserve this?
We were told that he was not remorseful, unwilling to improve, et cetera. Whether or not it's true I will not argue, because I do not feel the need.
He was at the top of the list of the paper, seemingingly the most likely one to make it. But alas, Murphy's Law is at its work again, he failed; alone, with 15 people behind him succeeding.
Surely a few people's judgement and perception can't make such difference?
But it could, and it did. He was a cheerful and friendly person. He did his work, and although he messed up at times, he was nonetheless a very good friend.
His fate, forever, did not lie in the people most familiar, but rather, the opposite.
Would it be different if he had been given a chance just like the others? Certainly. 399 other people would be happy. He would be happy. At the same time, it'd be a wake up call.
But who cares about that now? It's too late. And as I lie under the warm cover of my blanket, I can't help but think, why has it turned out like this?
Whatever happened to forgiveness?
You could say it's present since 15 people made it. But him, at the top of the list, did not? He should've been given priority.
But as if the numerous underlined numbers on the report card aren't hurting though?
How much more do you demand? It's one person, but it's one person's future.
Zhe Xun, stay strong. We all hope for the best.